Asian Cultures
Arab Cultures
In the Arab culture, compatible religious, social, geographic, and political backgrounds are emphasized over individual feelings or choice. In other words, the Arabs are more of a collective society that looks down upon people who would want to stand out in a crowd or people who do not do something for the sake of the community but instead for themselves. The family of a person would become a greater influencer over romance. So it would make sense here that love in the western sense would not be a priority they need for people to marry, rather they would marry for the sake of the family and create stronger connections with other families. It would be more common to see marriage arranged by family members to increase their power or to create alliances than it would be to see Arabian couples to marry out of love for each other.
For the Arabs, their definition of love is intertwined with “family, power, gender dynamics, globalization, resistance, modernity, social change, religious sectarianism, intergenerational relationships, individualization, and patriarchy.” Recently, thanks to Westernization, there are times when the individualistic vision of love has been adopted by the younger generation of Arabs. Those young Arabs, particually students, have four themes that their definition of love follows.
There is the definition of love being attachment and inclusion for the individual, where they prefer to spend quality time with their romantic partner by themselves and not with the family bothering them. There is the idea that love is based on popular cultural narratives and whether or not you accept the narrative’s definitions or not. The end result of this theme was that the ideal fairytale ending that is predominantly from Westernization is unrealistic to the students, therefore is rejected by them as a definition of love. The third theme would be through attraction and passion, where many of the students believe that there must be some form of attraction for there to be love. For some others, they prefer to think of attraction as some instinctual feeling that this one person is the “right one”. The last perceived theme for love revolves around the idea of sacrifice, which turns out to be a more popular definition of love for the female Arab students. Here it is more defined as sacrificing monetary value to send a gift to their partner or to give time and effort to do something for them, basically an act of service.
Still, as Western ideals become more and more common and accepted for the younger generation of Arabs, there is a growing confusion and divide in the culture between generations about what is the “correct” definition of love for them and how exactly should someone marry. The older generation would follow traditional values and consider the family to be the number one criteria for love and marriage. Younger Arabs are growing more individualistic, and so prefer to chase after a romance that would surpass the need for the family to be the priority in a marriage.
As for Chapman’s Love Languages, we can draw the conclusion that the Arabs most likely prefer to perform acts of service and like to spend quality time together for both the older and younger generation. The key difference would be for whom are the time and services going to. For the older generation spending time with family would be considered ideal, in addition to doing a service on behalf or for the sake of the family. The younger generation would spend time with just their romantic partner and would help their loved one for their sake instead of the family.
Oghia, M. J. (2015). Different cultures, one love: Exploring romantic love in the Arab world. In Intercultural Communication with Arabs: Studies in Educational, Professional and Societal Contexts (pp. 279-294). Springer Singapore.
Traditional Chinese Culture
For the traditional Chinese culture, weddings did not just unite the bride, groom, and their families, but they also advanced one’s social standing. [40] This is closely tied to the fact that the Chinese have a strongly collectivist society and completely shun any individualistic behavior. Traditional China has many people who follow the philosophy of Confucianism, where everybody knows his or her place with respect to everybody else. [43]
Chinese lineage, therefore marriage is patriarchal (male-oriented), and the wife is subservient to the husband. Marriage was less about love and more about economic and political gain, as well as producing male heirs. Daughters were outsiders who only existed to be married off, due to the emphasis on male lineage. [48-49] In Guangzhou, China, they have a “delayed transfer marriage”, where the husband and wife live apart for the first three years and the wife visits the husband’s family on special occasions. This gives the couple quality time to get acquainted before they can actually live together. [4-5] Of course, these marriages are frequently made by the family or arranged through a family friend for the sake of the family and is never made by one person who felt attraction to someone that they knew. As the family was oriented around power and raising sons, there may have not been love between couples but more of a partnership to successfully raise the family’s name and honor and to raise a son to continue the lineage.
This does not mean it was completely loveless; there was gift-giving in the marriage ceremony, where often in traditional marriages gold and/or silver was gifted to the couple by family and friends in blessings for a prosperous, otherwise known as rich, life together. Gift-giving is used with respect to deceased ancestors, as the family is still the main reason for any type of relationship, love or marriage; incense and offerings were made to the ancestor altar to thank them for their guidance and to pray that they would guide the family to a happy lifestyle. [44]
In summary, traditional Chinese marriages empowered the men and isolated the women, and it was less about love and more about social status. It was about establishing relationships with other families that can be used as resources, rather than the couple itself. In modern China, this traditional kind of love and marriage is not as popular as it used to be, as now there is more acceptance of a Western definition of love and the individual being allowed to choose rather than the family dictating who will be the bride. With regards to Love Languages, we can conclude that Traditional Chinese Culture did not use many besides Gift Giving.
Stockard, J. (2002). Marriage in culture: Practice and meaning across diverse societies. Orlando, FL: Harcourt College.
Nyinba of Tibet
The Nyinba have a rare practice: fraternal polyandry. This means that brothers are collectively married to the same wife. Polyandry seems more foreign to Westerners than polygyny, which is one husband to several wives. In fact, polyandry faced prejudice from Westerners as being primitive. [82-83] It is not without reason though, the Nyinba practice polyandry because the monogamous relationships that Westerners prefer are more costly. The Nyinba have limited resources in their harsh environment and thus must limit family size. They will have fewer children if brothers shared the same wife than if each brother had their own wife. [83]
The Nyinba are patrilineal like the Chinese. [84] But unlike the Chinese, where land is divided evenly among successors, the household is shared among the entire family, because they cannot afford to divide up the land into smaller and smaller pieces in a harsh landscape. The undivided household is just longer-lasting, and it comes from their marriage customs. [86] In addition, the grooms’ family gift cash to the bride’s family in order to assemble a small dowry (a gift of items brought from bride to husband on their wedding). The dowry can consist of household items, livestock, and even slaves for wealthy families. [88] The oldest brother enjoys the earliest honeymoon, and sequentially from there the brother each have a honeymoon with the bride. However, all brothers are considered full partners, and the wife must rotate quality time for each brother. To them, love should be shared equally without favoritism as that might cause a disruption in the family. Cooperation, rather than competition between brother is encouraged. [89]
For the Nyinba, polyandry is the ideal marriage and a form of cultural identity that sets them apart from other Tibetan cultures. They actually consider monogamous marriages (which usually happen if a family has only one son or if polyandrous marriages break down) unfortunate and vulnerable to economic hardship. [93] If a polyandrous marriage fails, one of the husbands may seek another wife and engage in polygyny, which is discouraged due to its perceived threat to social harmony. Second wives are welcomed only if they have proven their infertility. This is called sororal polygynous polyandry. The second wife is selected based on affection instead of kinship, and the husband is highly encouraged to improve relations with the first wife. The second marriage is inevitable focused on that one husband, creating discord among the family. This may result in the couple being forced to separate from the main household.
To the Nyinba, polyandry is their very identity, and a failed polyandrous relationship is considered a failure to live up to Nyinba cultural ideals. They value the survival of the family and therefore believe that love with come with spending time after the marriage is established. The language of Quality time was especially important in this relationship because it must be shared equally with multiple husbands in order to keep a balance between the brothers and promote cooperation.
Stockard, J. (2002). Marriage in culture: Practice and meaning across diverse societies. Orlando, FL: Harcourt College.
Lahu of China
The Lahu is one of the minorities that live in the Republic of China, often in traditional villages and are known to hunt for survivial. For the Lahu, interdependence, and cooperation are so crucial for survival that competitiveness and independence are considered harsh and completely undesirable. [100] Similar to other Asian cultures, they have a high collectivism society and therefore the individual must think for the better of the group.
Marriage is crucial for the Lahu, but unlike some other Chinese groups they do not have a patrilineal or matrilineal family but follow egalitarian policies where both parents are of equal standing and should provide equal effort in raising the family and going out to hunt. The worst failures in life for the Lahu, those who are doomed to loneliness in the afterlife, are those who die before marriage or fulfilling marital responsibilities. [100] Mostly likely due to their small number, worrying about which side of the family should have power is not a concern but rather what are they going to farm or hunt to eat for the day. Deceased couples in families are highly respected as parental spirits, and their children often make offerings and practice ritual respect for them. [100]
Due to them no longer having a written form of their language, songs can be considered words of affirmation and a gift, and Lahu songs are derived from the singers’ knowledge of Lahu tradition, history and ability. The songs are more personal and romantic when they are spontaneous and original. A couple could leave the village to hunt together and can sing to each other throughout the entire night until dawn, when they must return to the village, ready to sing again the next night.
While small, the Lahu value family and the importance of cooperation for their survial, so they are more likely to marry first and love later. The love languages of the Lahu can be concluded to be words with gifts (through song) and quality time with acts of service (through teamwork and hunting).
Jankowiak, W. (2008). Intimacies: Love and sex across cultures. New York: Columbia University Press.
Kinnaur of the Himalayas
This culture is closely related to and similar to the Nyinba. Small subsistence populations in the Himalayas practice fraternal polyandry, where a woman marries a set of brothers and the Kinnaur are one of them. It is actually a survival tactic in a region with few resources and extreme environmental conditions. It limits population growth and prevents land and resources from being divided up. It creates a high adult-to-child population ratio.
Unmarried women of the household sacrifice reproduction and instead contribute valuable labor, raising the socioeconomic status of the household. Fraternal polyandry minimizes the chances of widowhood, pools resources, and encourages cooperation between husbands. [123] The Kinnauri have shown that fraternal polyandry is the most stable form of polygamous union, and is a vital strategy to survive in their harsh environment. Teamwork to fulfill household duties (acts of service) is one of the vital factors holding polyandry together.
The Love Languages that they use the most are Quality Time and Acts of Service. The fact that the wife must rotate with brothers means that quality time is crucial to deepen the bond between them and for the sake of their survival service is highly encouraged and required of families.
Jankowiak, W. (2008). Intimacies: Love and sex across cultures. New York: Columbia University Press.
Makassar of Indonesia
Marriage is a highly valued part of the Makassar culture. This culture has the social system of class and nobility, which dictates how and who you can marry. The family will choose who the female will marry and are often decided at a young age. Women of Makassar cannot marry below their social rank because doing so will bring dishonor to the family. They are also forbidden to speak to males from a young age unless they are a close relative. To minimize the risk of elopement, young men and women of marriageable age are kept separated. [149] This basically infers that elopement is a rampant problem for the Makassar, most likely due to the rank of the male or other similar obstacles.
There are two forms of marriage that coexist: arranged vs. self-made marriages. Arranged marriages are the norm, while self-made marriages are considered deviant behavior. Similarly, divorce traditionally was rare and could only be started by the male but in modern age has become more common and follows Islamic law. Many cultures like the Makassar prefer arranged marriages because they believe that marriage should not be based on “chance”; that is, the unpredictable feelings of individuals. [150] The marriage rituals of the Makassar seem to involve words of affirmation, gifts in the form of food, and sexual intercourse (quality time + physical touch). The Makassar appear to not favor one Love Language over another but use them all to communicate their love and affection to each other when they can.
Jankowiak, W. (2008). Intimacies: Love and sex across cultures. New York: Columbia University Press
Huli of Papua New Guinea
Papua New Guinea has experienced Christian missionization, which has impacted the marriage customs of the Huli. [195] Traditionally and for some even today, women would not touch, cook for, speak to, or hand objects to her husband to limit the power of her body on the man. Conclusively we can say that in this culture the woman is inferior to the man, and that love and affection from the woman is considered an evil influence on the couple. In other words, love languages from the women must be carefully controlled and regulated in order to prevent the woman from obtaining the dominant power in the relationship. [198]
Sex for the Huli is traditionally performed with the man only on top. It is clear physical touch is very meaningful to the Huli, but also considered dangerous if the woman becomes dominant; that is, she goes on top. Huli men are often worried about women being manipulative or dominating. The Huli believe that excessive intimacy can diminish respect and cause marital strife. If the couple knows each other too well, then they know what to say to hurt each other. In other words, the Huli are worried about people, especially women, knowing too much about love languages and using them negatively. [204]
Even if husbands did not verbalize their desire, they can show it in other ways and it is okay for them to do so; through unexpected gifts, gentle teasing, praising the wife to kin or offering to do the wife’s chores (words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service).
It is implied that the influence of Christian missionization reduced the emotional distance dictated by Huli tradition, and couples enjoyed each other’s company without any fear. [207-208] We can say that as time goes on more and more Huli couples will lose the fear of women dominating in a relationship and maintain a balanced power between each other.
Overall, Huli values physical touch, due to the emphasis on sex but do use the other languages to show love for their partner. However, they see love as a kind of power that can be used to dominate another, and so they do not want couples to get too close. Nowadays, the influence of the West has created numerous marriage options, including those similar to America.n c.ulture.
Jankowiak, W. (2008). Intimacies: Love and sex across cultures. New York: Columbia University Press.