European and American Cultures
European Cultures
Lithuanian Culture
Lithuania’s model on sex and romantic love is identical to the Western model, but they act on it differently. [65] Lithuanians see love not as a merging of two into one, but rather the individuals forming a social unit called a “love dyad” (dyad = duo = couple). To them, romantic love is a social dyad that entails mutual responsibilities: honesty, protection, happiness, openness, and expressions of love; and all of these increase the trust that holds the dyad together. [76]
Love for Lithuanians is described as a positive feedback loop; by being honest, engaging in love talk, caring about the other person, sex, giving gifts, going on walks, and participating in romantic activities, the trust between the couple increases. When one person cares about another, the other person becomes happier and reciprocates that care. [80]
When research was done to see how Americans view romantic couples based on the values they provided and compared it to the Lithuanians, Americans gave the values of friendship, comfort, and security to romantic couples while Lithuanians did not. While there appeared to not have been enough data, it was suggested that this difference came from the idea that Lithuanians get their comfort and security from friendship networds and from the fact that Lithuanians appear to be more grounded in their romantic love instead of chasing some high ideal like Americans commonly do. This would imply that for the Lithuanians, romantic love and friendship are two separate things that satisfy different criteria. [78]
While love and marriage are similar to modern American culture, there are slight differences that ultimately make the two cultures different. Lithuania also practices all five love languages in a similar pattern to the West, but they are more aware of the “in-love” phase’s illusory nature and are more grounded in their view of love.
Jankowiak, W. (2008). Intimacies: Love and sex across cultures. New York: Columbia University Press.
American Culture
Historical Iroquois
​​ It was observed that Iroquois marriages were “not founded upon the affections”. They were also arranged; usually by the couple’s mothers. Unlike the !Kung San in Africa, they were obedient instead of reluctant to the marriage. They were each other’s gift from their parents. [58-59] After the marriage, the wife and her family would visit her husband’s home with gifts (like cornbread), and the husband’s family would respond with a gift of their own (like venison). The gift exchange was considered to cement the marriage between the two families. [58-59] Like in China, marriage is a means to establish a relationship between two lineages and creating advantageous ties. Gifts and acts of service are prevalent in the marriage. The emotional investment is not there like in modern West culture; it is closer to a cooperative relationship. The marriage is not an isolated event; it must be seen in the context of the larger family dynamic.
Unlike the Chinese, marriage ceremonies were modest and families were matriarchal; lineage was based on women and not men. Egalitarianism was between !Kung San and Chinese, specifically the Lahu; there was partial stratification and some equality between the genders. Also, the kinship system has been developed by a cross-cultural exchange. [59-60]
Sibling relationships in the Iroquois are very close. Siblings spend quality time and perform acts of service for each other, like a brother cultivating yam for his sister. [79] It is easy to tell that the Iroquois value their family very highly as a priority over romantic love.
In conclusion for the Iroquois, they have similarities to the collectivist societies of the Chinese but are also different as they follow the maternal line for family succession. We can say that the Iroquois did most frequently use Gift Giving and Acts of Service as their most frequent love language, as is the same for other similar cultures.
Stockard, J. (2002). Marriage in culture: Practice and meaning across diverse societies. Orlando, FL: Harcourt College.
Modern America
Modern Americans define romantic relationships by their processes and by the culture and its boundaries of the people within it. [13] This is mostly because of the melting pot culture in North America, specifically the United States. We can infer that this means that modern Americans are usually respectfully of how different cultures define love and marriage within their borders. Most traditionally the definition of love is more high-ideal than it is realistic, and marriage is just a legal form that consolidates that love. This could mean that Americans are prone to dreaming and looking past details in order to see the ideal “big picture”.
Gary Chapman’s point of view and his should be considered from a religious point and a modern American point. [23] His observations of the Love Languages are partial to the contemporary US culture and also to the Christian religion. [184] This doesn’t mean that they cannot be applied to other cultures, as this is the main point of this research, but the examples and discussion provided in his book should be taken with a grain of salt.
Modern Americans tend to lean towards the assumption that love must be a rational decision that must be made after the “being in love” phase. [186] This is due to the high levels of individuality in American culture and the idea that you are in charge of yourself and therefore you have a choice. Love is now one of the mainstay criteria for a marriage or some other form of romantic relationship, whereas in other places love is not even considered for marriage.
We can say that Americans today in general delve in all five Love Languages that best fits the relationship that they want with a loved one and their family or friends as it all depends on their background, the location that they live in and what previous experience with another culture did they have.
Elle, J., & Fuchs, Stephan. (2008). Love and Discipline: The Cultural Constitution of Romantic Love, ProQuest Dissertations and Theses.
Hispanic
In 2009, a study was started with Hispanic couples that included the use of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. This study is helpful for understanding Hispanics’ preferred expression of affection by interviewing participants, in addition to utilizing Chapman's Five Love Languages in counseling couples. The present research study, while attempting to expand relationship improvement with Hispanic couples, resulted in a need for continued research with this particular culture. The purpose of this study is to see whether using Chapman’s Love Language would lead Hispanic couples to increase their expression of affection at greater levels. [7]
The researcher assumed that 50 couples of Hispanic descent would find the Love Language Profile as an effective intervention to help them improve communication of affection. [16] Because Hispanic participants occasionally were exposed to a patriarchal style of upbringing due to their background, the research assumed that male participants would report fewer instances of communication of affection by doing acts of service, such as chores and childcare, which could potentially impact the scores on the Affectional Expression subscale of the Dyadic Adjustment Scale utilized in this study.
Women in Hispanic culture have traditionally assumed feminine roles concerning nurturance and primary caregiving, while men have held masculine roles picturing them as agents of action with less of an emphasis on people’s needs.
Due to the lack of data on this research and a complete lack of other similar social studies for the Hispanic culture, there were no findings in whether they had a preferred Love Language to use nor was there a significant difference from pretest to posttest in the amount of love displayed in the couples. When using the Love Language counseling, there was a slight increase in the treatment group in the amount of affection they portrayed but nothing significant in one specific language in addition to the overall level of affection was found. This concludes that there should be more social studies done for the Hispanic culture.
Salas, R., Worthington, Michael T., Walker, CHARLES, & White, DEBRA. (2009). Effects of a Chapman Love Language Intervention with Hispanic Couples: A Quasi-experimental Study,ProQuest Dissertations and Theses.